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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Old Mr. Higgins had run the local pharmacy for forty years, and he had a special \u201critual\u201d for the local college students who came in to buy condoms. He didn\u2019t just sell them; he treated every transaction like a high-stakes tactical mission.<\/p>\n
One Friday night, a nervous freshman named Leo shuffled up to the counter with a three-pack of \u201cExtra Sensitive\u201d and set them down like he was handling live plutonium.<\/p>\n
Higgins peered over his spectacles, looked at the box, then looked at Leo. He sighed deeply and picked up the store intercom.<\/p>\n
\u201cPLUMBING DEPARTMENT,\u201d he boomed, his voice echoing through the aisles. \u201cI NEED A STATUS REPORT ON THE EMERGENCY LEAK PREVENTION KIT!\u201d<\/p>\n
The entire store went silent. Leo turned the color of a fire extinguisher.<\/p>\n
Higgins leaned over the counter and whispered, \u201cRelax, son. Just making sure the inventory is up to code. Now, do you want the \u2018Standard\u2019 or the \u2018Extended Warranty\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe\u2026 the what?\u201d Leo stammered.<\/p>\n
Higgins pulled a giant bottle of baby aspirin from under the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Extended Warranty,\u201d Higgins deadpanned. \u201cIf these fail, come back in nine months and I\u2019ll give you a 10% discount on the aspirin. You\u2019re gonna need it for the headaches, the crying, and the inevitable realization that your gaming career is over.\u201d<\/p>\n
Leo handed over a twenty-dollar bill and told him to keep the change.<\/p>\n
As Leo bolted for the door, Higgins shouted after him, \u201cGOOD LUCK, SOLDIER! REMEMBER: TARGET ACQUIRED, BUT DEPLOYMENT IS AT YOUR OWN RISK!\u201d<\/p>\n
Higgins turned to the elderly woman next in line. \u201cNext! Oh, hello Mrs. Gable. Need your blood pressure meds?\u201d<\/p>\n
Read Also: Staff Room Secrets Got Out of Hand \ud83d\ude02
\nMrs. Gable blinked. \u201cI think I need them more after watching that, Higgins.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Old Mr. Higgins had run the local pharmacy for forty years, and he had a special \u201critual\u201d for the local college students who came in to buy condoms. He didn\u2019t … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-top"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1069"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1071,"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069\/revisions\/1071"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/karealstory.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}